That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
