She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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