Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
