I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
