Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
