Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
