too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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