Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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