Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
