did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
