I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
