We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
