shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
