I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
