just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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