She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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