i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
