Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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