Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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