I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
