The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
