'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
