True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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