from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
