I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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