i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
