You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
