What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
