Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
