I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
