Will you blow on my dice?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
