Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
