those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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