Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
