Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
