3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
