i just wanna soil my oats bro
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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