the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
