Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
