YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
do nipples grow back?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
