I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
