Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
