I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
