you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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