I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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