Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
