Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
