At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
