I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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