I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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