i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she told me i tasted like america
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
