now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
