Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
